25 Sep Why Is It So Hard To Change
We all know the frustration of making promises to ourselves, only to break them. Over time, this erodes our trust in ourselves, but it doesn’t have to be like that.
The hardest part of change is often admitting to ourselves that we need to change. It’s that moment when we look in the mirror and realize that what we’re doing isn’t working. We have to admit that we are in a job we hate, our bodies are showing us the results of our lifestyle, or we need to make that step outside of our comfort zone that we dread so badly. It feels so uncomfortable because deep down we know it forces us to confront the parts of ourselves we’d rather avoid.
Why We Feel Stuck
We often stay stuck because of the fears that surface about what it really involves to create change. We know action is needed, but the thought of the hard work and discomfort ahead can feel overwhelming. It’s easier to stay where we are than face the uncertainty and challenges that come with transformation. The fear of failure, the fear of losing what’s familiar, the fear of opening our hearts again, or even the fear of success can keep us in place. To truly grow and move forward, we need to push through that discomfort and commit to the process that will take us to the other side.
The Cycle of Change
The cycle of change is a real thing that we all cycle through, over and again:
- The Discontent: You start feeling uneasy or dissatisfied with your current situation, but the need for change isn’t fully there yet. Unhappy but not yet uncomfortable enough to take action.
- The Breaking Point: The discomfort becomes unbearable, and you realize something has to change—staying the same is no longer an option.
- The Decision: You commit to making a change, and you decide that taking action is the only way forward.
- The Fear: As you prepare to change, fear sets in—fear of failure, discomfort, or the unknown. This can create doubt and hesitation.
- The Amnesia: You forget the intensity of the breaking point and why you wanted to change in the first place, as old patterns try to resurface you are finding a way to avoid the change.
- Backtracking: You fall back into old habits or behaviors, questioning if change is even possible. This is where you lose momentum or give up and need to remember why you wanted to change.
- The Cycle Repeats: Each time you go through the cycle, you have the chance to learn from the experience, push through the backtracking, and come out stronger.
I knew I Needed To Change
Let me share a personal story about how I recently worked through this cycle of change myself.
Peri-menopause hit me hard a couple of years ago. I was thrown into this hormonal change following the sudden death of my father. Think insomnia, hot flashes, terrible mood swings, and the dreaded weight gain. I hated how I looked, but I had no drive or motivation to do anything about it. I dismissed it as superficial and tried to convince myself that I was okay when I really wasn’t. I just couldn’t be bothered.
It was only when I reached the breaking point (I couldn’t accept how I felt any longer) that I told myself that I was willing to put in the effort required to reclaim my health. I felt inflamed, sluggish, and unattractive. The moment I took that decision, the first thing that popped up was a video on Instagram about fasting. NEVER IN MY LIFE WOULD I AGREE TO FAST. But deep down, I knew when I saw that video, it was exactly what I needed to do—not for quick weight loss, but for something more. Even though it didn’t make sense, I trusted my gut.
Was it horrible? Yes. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Was it worth it? 100%. Through this experience, I discovered my body was struggling with insulin sensitivity, a common issue for women facing peri-menopause. The fast, followed by a diet that supported insulin sensitivity, reversed the issue completely. Now, I not only have a body I feel comfortable in, but I also enjoy a level of clarity and calmness I typically had to work for through meditation or yoga (insulin imbalance affects your nervous system).
There were layers I had to work through: some lingering emotional eating (when tired or bored), reconnecting with my hunger and satiation signals, getting organized around food, planning, cooking more, and learning to eat in a way that nourished my body, rather than just eating to stop the hunger (yes, I was doing that—very lazy!). It was work. That’s the reality of improving your life: you must be willing to be uncomfortable and put in the effort, but once you see the results, it gets exciting—you’ll want more! The level of calm I feel in my body now has made me completely uninterested in the foods I used to love—isn’t that crazy? My nervous system settled more than ever and it shows.
I Had Access To Some Powerful Tools
A couple of years ago, I came across the Silva Method, a self-help program that teaches techniques for deep relaxation, visualization, and accessing altered states of consciousness to enhance personal development and achieve goals. Later, I found out that this is the foundation of the impressive work Joe Dispenza is sharing with the world.
In a nutshell, the system teaches you how to enter a state of deep relaxation, where you can plant the seeds of what you want to experience in life—whether it’s goals you want to reach or changes you want to make. I used this to support my process.
Now, do I think this is some kind of magical thinking at work? No, it’s a simple process of tapping into the brain’s immense capacity. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) helps filter and prioritize information. Once the brain senses we’re emotionally invested in something, it shows us more of it. If you pay attention it increases the chances of noticing information that would otherwise be filtered out as irrelevant. This supports the process of transformation.
There is a lot more involved, but this is just to give you a taste of what is possible for you.